A Deer's Last Day

We were so alarmed when we noticed a deer swimming toward the beach! I grabbed the camera thinking, "yet another animal finds its way here." This is peculiar to me because I'm not an animal person and yet find myself surrounded by them more and more. Animals come here because we are full of life! And so, today, we thought this one had come to rest. Perhaps a dog had scared him and driven him into the water, or maybe he'd been hit by a car, though no blood on him. He was walking a bit funny but it was 45 degrees outside so maybe he was cold. We thought he needed a safe place to put himself back together.

Once the deer laid down I knew he wasn't just resting. When his eyes glazed over and he couldn't hold his tongue in his mouth I realized he was dying, which took about five hours with all the usual seizes, twitches and agonal breathing, which I'd watched a hundred times with patients. With this little deer, though, it was different, in that there was no other signs of distress, just the occaisonal leg digging into the sand. No DNR, no code team, no living will, no family members disagreeing about pulling the plug...

We kept our distance and most of these photos are taken on zoom, until the very last, as I did not want to give him any more agitation than he was already experiencing. Wild animals don't like people near them and nor do I like being this near wild animals! so, we let him go through this transition with as little disturbance as possible. But, with all the beaches to which he could have swam, why this one? Others would have offered better protection and easier access but he chose us. It will probably be a long time before I understand why.

He died at dusk with Heron on the log, fishing as usual. Life goes on I guess.

How To See Deer (Philip Booth)

Forget roadside crossings.

Go nowhere with guns.

Go elsewhere your own way,

lonely and wanting. Or

stay and be early,

next to deep woods,

inhabit old orchards.

All clearings promise.

Sunrise is good,

and fog before sun.

Expect nothing always;

find your luck slowly.

Wait out the windfall.

Take your good time

to learn to read ferns;

Make like a turtle

downhill toward slow water.

Instructed by heron

drink the pure silence.

Be compassed by wind.

If you quiver like aspen

trust your quick nature;

let your ear teach you

which way to listen.

You've come to assume

protective color, now

colors reform to

new shpes in your eye.

You've learned by now

to wait without waiting;

as if it were dusk

look into light falling;

in deep relief

things even out.

Be careless of nothing.

See what you see.